i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
