Sponge bath it is.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
