im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
