Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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