Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
