I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm always down for nudity.
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