Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The struggles of a small town man whore
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
