I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
