IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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