I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
