i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
