i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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