I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
