What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
