if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
