thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
