that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
