I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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