Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
