she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
