We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
