He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
