You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
