did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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