guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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