dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
