would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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