just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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