I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
if only i could text you this smell
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
