i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
