I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
