so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
