3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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