I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize