so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize