I got chris browned last night
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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