there was a trapeze. enough said
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
