guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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