thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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