So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
