areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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