Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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