He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
