My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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