Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
