Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
