Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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