You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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