she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Two words: blizzard sex
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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