She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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