so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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