she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
