i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
