okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
