we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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