Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Damn victory sex feels great
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
