so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's shark week go big or go home
I am available for nakedness
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
