Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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