bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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