bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
