I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
