You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
