Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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