Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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